Thursday, August 18, 2016

Random thought on poems

(I will need to sleep soon, so I will keep this short)

I should admit that I do enjoy reading poems even though I am not doing it as often as before. Partly because I didn't have much time do so, but mostly due to my own idiosyncrasy. It is unfortunate that I consume poems in similar way that I consume music in general. I usually read multiple poems in one reading session, so there will be only a few of them that will stuck. The rest I will skip or skim through.

It is not supposed to be like this. While (current) music, in form of songs, do take a lot of effort to produce, they are (mostly) not intended to be pondered and analyzed. In the other hand, poets write their pieces intentionally in details so that every word, every syllable and every rhyme would mean something. So for me personally, I should treat every poem with proper level of respect, which is something I do not do for now.

So yeah, that is why I resist reading poems nowadays until I device some ways to solve this issue.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016


It was sad and all, but I finally got the closure that I really need. I can finally move on

Monday, July 18, 2016

Fighting a losing battle

Imagine you are in a football game against a highly superior team. It is almost 10 minutes before the game ends, and you are currently losing 0-1. They keep attacking your goal and each attempt on goal would seem to produce goal which would end your game immediately. What would you do?

It is easy to say that we going to keep fighting at that point. But with all the emotion and stress, doesn't seem so easy. Mathematically (ok, I hate math, so please someone do the math for me), you will lose anyway. But just keep in mind that the game isn't ended yet.

So just keep fighting. Until you lose anyway. Or win.

Saturday, April 30, 2016


I cannot say that I was not disappointed. I really was. But I must treat it as something that I have experienced before. I've been there, so I need to handle it well. The same for happiness, sadness, failure, pain, joy etc.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016


You know what, I hate failure. Failure sucks. I keep hearing people say something like "embrace failure", "do not give up", "be persistent". But the cold hard truth is failure sucks.

The worst part is the uncertainty that lies ahead. There is no guarantee that I will get through it after. I can say I've tried, but life does not know me that well. Life does not hand me success on a silver platter, ya know.. (well, at least for me. I know some people always get what they want)

The experience is, nonetheless, very humbling. "The only thing that I know is I know nothing" (I've seen this quote before but I forgot from where). I know now (actually I already knew) that I can never go from zero to hero in a split second. Again, that probably just applies to me (I know some people can do it)

I just want for the future me to know if I finally made it at that time (big IF obviously), that I have gone through some shits before. That is all.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Life's a Zigzag

That was a very lousy morning, having to go to work which I do not like, after having a horrible night. Sounds like a very typical morning, except this one involves a broken heart. So I sat in the train.

There I saw a dark-skinned, old, skinny guy sat on slightly left side of opposite sittings. He seemed to have the same bad day as me. He placed his backpack on the floor between his legs. The backpack's brand is "Zigzag". I saw one like it before; it is a cheap backpack brand. Cheap, but memorable enough that I wrote this whole blog post about it.

On the backpack, there is a paragraph of words. At first, I assumed those words are arbitrary. The designer (or the company which makes it) might have intended those words as a placeholder. Then I decided to focus on those words and tried to read them. The paragraph sounds something like this: (I don't memorize everything for sure)

        "Zigzag is a line or path that alternates between left and right with various length of straight lines and degrees of turns. Life is like a zigzag. Sometimes it goes to the right, and sometimes it goes to the left. It does not even tell you which way it turns. You will not know whether zigzag turns quite, whether zigzag turns loud. Sometimes it makes sharp turn, sometimes it makes the opposite. You don't have a choice other than just follow the zigzag. Only when you stop, that the zigzag will ever stop"

I had those words completely read after several glances; the guy would look at me weird if I stared at his backpack for too long.

Human does have some degree of free will (or freedom to make decision), but at the end of the day, the zigzag will only continue turn left and right. It will always move forward; the only question is when does it turn and how sharp the corner when it turns.

Remember I mentioned about a broken heart? Without revealing any other details, that was the night when this one friend whom I love dearly left me in the dust and revealed a change of heart. It was especially painful to me especially when the whole situation is still blurry.

So I really needed that backpack's words, at least to help me chin up from such bad night. Sure the wound has not fully recovered yet, but now I am prepared to face the next turn in the zigzag.

p/s: I hope you are happy with him.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Thoughts on Intiative was recently introduced by several IT companies magnate such as Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg in order to encourage more people to learn coding. They also want to push government to make programming as a part of school curricular, since now there are huge shortages on programmers especially the demands for them (or us, because I'm one of them) are just too massive. 

My only concern is actually people should not be encouraged to learn solely on coding. People outside of computer science might just hate coding by itself. Instead, the more important stuff is the software itself: how it works, how useful it is etc. One does not be excited too much on loops, variable, memoization and binary search tree without knowing the use of any of them. That is exactly why I hate math: while I am conscious on its application in real world, teachers tend to not show it well. 

So I think curiosity is key. One might learn coding to, let's say, build a website. Or read large files for day work. Or just want to build game. It's okay to even wanting to build the next Instagram; that is fine because the ambition itself would drive one to learn. If the person sees exactly he/she can do from coding, then chances are the person would stuck to programming for the whole life. True story. 

p/s: I think I have posted about how I got stuck to computer science but it is still kinda relevant, so I'm telling it to you again. I was really curious about how website works especially when Friendster was in its peak, and Google came into global attention. So I teached myself HTML and eventually lead our school to winning second place in a website building competition. Well, HTML is not a programming language (it is not Turing complete language) but that was how I got really interested in this field. That interest was so intense that I decided not to pursue engineering, which had been my sole interest since I was kid. 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Some Post-Weekend Motivation

Don't judge me, but I think the movie "Bridesmaid" is one of the best movie I've ever seen. Just watched it for (insert number here) times yesterday. I remember this one quote, when Megan was trying to calm Annie down after having a very tough day. She said something like this:

"You know, when I was in high school, there was kid who torched firework on top of my head. I mean, this is firework literally, not figuratively speaking. And do you what I did after that? Did I go to my mom and cried and told the story? Nope. I just kept studying hard until I earned top degree and worked for government. I was given the highest security clearance ever. "

Alright2, the quote was so far away from the actual script, so let's just watch the scene below:

So, if you ever feel sad or simply hopeless, just remember that it's normal and keep grinding for your life.

p/s: Let's go to work!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Baltimore Ravens is the Superbowl Champion!

(It was a four days old news but I would write this anyway. I've been celebrating too much in these days haha)

(Credit image to

Baltimore Ravens is the SuperBowl champion! It was such a great win in a great game, especially when almost everyone had not expected Ravens to win even one playoff game. At the beginning at the playoff, Ravens were the 4th seed because they won the AFC North but in term of power ranking, they were ranked 6th (which is the last rank for AFC).

Ravens proved themselves that they are the best team in NFL when they beat Broncos (lead by legendary Peyton Manning) and Patriots (lead by Tom Brady). In both games, Joe Flacco outclassed the two elite QBs with 8 TD and no interception. Even with such momentum, people picked 49ers to win the superbowl, and THEY WERE WRONG.

So ladies and gentlemen, Joe Flacco proved himself as an elite quarterback, and Ravens proved that winning  Superbowl requires a lot of heart. Let's go Ravens!

p/s: I'm still in the Superbowl champion mode that I wear the jersey almost everyday. And should I mention that I won the fantasy league too? What a season for me!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Fallen Raven

Dusts have settled a week after
The feelings wilt and surrender
Miles away the news broke that we
Were forced to believe someone is missing
Posters of him spread throughout the town
Stick a second only to fall down

There is no doubt that I cannot forget
His face as if we just met
Yesterday seems too short to fly
Yet this moment creeps so slow, and dry

Then I slowly walked circling a pond
Pondering all the "what if" questions
Hence putting my brave face upon
Crowds witnessing my tear's essence

Proud nonetheless; a son whose dad
Such a fallen warrior on field
Such bravery that costs his blood
Only to be cherished by those lived
When we walk, we walk together
May the Proud Raven be with you, forever

Muhammad Ashraf Ishak
January 23, 2013
College Park, Maryland


In memory of my beloved Abah
(November 25, 1952 - January 14, 2013)