Now, I hesitate to live and be alive.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Upon 20 years of my existence, I realize that I really hesitate to live every time I wake up in the morning. While people surrounding me are happy with their families, friends, boyfriends / girlfriends, special ones etc, I find myself being isolated in a dark spectrum. I can't help myself to share the same spectrum with them, because obviously they have different kind of spectrum. What surprising me is the fact that when my dark spectrum eventually become more convoluted and concentrated, it would hit the boundary of these opposite spectrum. People do not like that at all. To protect the good spectrum, the boundary is being widen, leaving my dark spectrum to have more room to slowly kill me. (I blame myself on that and not anyone else). I do conscious on some good part of my life, but I can't see them anymore. It's just too blurred to see any light around.